Counting Down...

Its funny. In some ways I feel like I am more at home in Evanston than ever before, and in others I find myself in the transitional phase. The past week was a fun week. On Monday night I played poker with my roommate and some friends. I ended up about even on that. On Tuesday I took a pasta making class which was awesome. I think I am going to find someone with a pasta maker that I can borrow so that I can make it. And I can definitely tell you that there will be a pasta maker on our registry.

Wednesday was a very boring night but a good one, I got a lot of homework done, especially since i had a quiz and an exam on Thursday. However, my Valentines day was a fun night. My friend Amit and I made dinner together for the MMMs. We made a pesto chicken in parchment, Amit made risotto, we served caprese salad with bread, and then I made a weight watchers dessert which was awesome. After hanging out at our place for a bit we hit the bars and had a fun night.

On Friday I went to a friend's house and played lots of games but suddenly it was 5 AM! I recovered on Saturday from my late night and tried to get over the cold I had. Athena came over on Saturday night and we went out to dinner and rented a movie. It was called "Dedication". I was looking for a movie that was totally upbeat and that was definitely not it. It was cute and definitely quirky, and upbeat at the end, but just not what I was looking for. I needed something to lift me out of my bad mood (more on that later).

Today I went grocery shopping, worked on the wedding website (it is now updated! http://www.smeetaanddavid.weddings.com ), did a lot of homework (I thought second year was supposed to be easy!). And now I just got done working out, I'm finally getting better at the treadmill and getting back into running shape!

So as you can see, I have been doing some things that should really make me happy, that would normally make me feel like I am having a great time. However, lately I have been down and I can't figure out why. I think part of it is homesickness. I miss Minnesota, I miss being with Dave, and I miss having a life that has a schedule to it. I also ironically think I am sad to leave Evanston and leave behind the friends and the easy life I have here (when will I ever get to pursue so many things at once!). But on the other hand I miss my Minnesota friends.

I also think that I finally see things coming together for me but I am afraid that something will get in the way and mess things up. I mean I have a great job lined up after all of the recruiting, I will be coming back to the place I love, with the friends I love, and I get the things I have wanted most for the past few years, to be married to Dave. It all seems too perfect and I think I am afraid that something will get messed up along the way.

So many conflicting thoughts. I just can't understand it. I find myself counting down the days until I graduate, and can be in Minnesota for good. I knew it would be hard when I decided to come to business school but I don't know that I grasped how difficult it would be, and I just can't understand why I have so many conflicting thoughts. Anyway, now that the cold I caught seems to be going away and I can work out again, the natural endorphins are helping me feel a lot better.

I am rereading this post and realizing that it probably makes very little sense to most people, but it is too late to fix it. That's why I probably shouldn't decide to work out right before midnight ;-)